Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
