Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
