This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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