Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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