he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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