I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
