I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
