is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
