I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
