a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
