so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
