you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
