I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
