Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
