I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
