I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
