Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
