I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
