people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
