guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
