One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
