I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
