my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
