party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
