Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
