I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Randomize
