Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That accounts for only three of the penises
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
