now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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