Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
