Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
