There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
