he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
