ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
