I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize