Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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