I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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