im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
