I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
