my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
