hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
