u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
