i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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