I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
