Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize