After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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