bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
