having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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