Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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