Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
