please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
