It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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