I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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