Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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