Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need a beard to bite.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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