The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
