Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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