do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
