I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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