K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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