sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
