not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
