No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
