I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
