Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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