i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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