the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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