He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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