oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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