i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize