Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize