eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
