i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize