I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
