You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
