Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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