Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
