your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I see more hoeing in ur future
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