i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
