I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
