My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
