Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
