Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
