used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize