I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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