Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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