y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
