Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
